Guidelines:
Any active athletes in the MLB, NFL, or NBA or NCAA basketball or football are fair game. Unless you really trust Jeff Gordon with your back, absolutely no NASCAR. There is no limit to who you select with your picks. In other words, you can have all 3 NBA guys or 2 NBA players and a quarterback. These are the 3 guys who you would feel the safest with if a zombie apocalypse started tomorrow. In other words, choose the most B-A athletes to form a team who could kill a ton of zombies and protect you.
Some of the popular and "sexy" picks include big names and stars, but this team needs to be thoroughly thought out and put together. Why are some of the popular picks not worthy of selections? Here is why:
Usain Bolt- Freakishly fast, long and confident, however he is too fast. With the ability to run away at any second, this is where Bolt becomes expendable. He would run away from you, rather than protect you. So, unless your name is Yohan Blake or Tyson Gay, Usain Bolt is too fast of a teammate to be considered for your prestigious 3 spots.
Dwight Howard- The man in HUGE. That may be a brash understatement, however he has attitude deficiencies. Dwight is moody. I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend the rest of the zombie apocalypse with Mr. Drama himself. Plus, Dwight may leave you at any second because he found a better "tribe", that can provide him the big stage that your "tribe" couldn't. If he is still around however, he would bring injury issues. His back or his shoulders could be hurt at any second by a crawler, virus or zombie Stan Van Gundy. Dwight is not the man for your tribe.
Metta World Peace- First off, if you call him "Ron Artest" he might strike you with a 2x4 on the spot. If you don't provide him with a proper psychiatrist, he becomes more unpredictable than a zombie itself. And, where are you going to find a respected psychiatrist???? Metta would almost guaranteed start a fight with the idle zombies, when the last thing you need is more zombies attacking you. Every other tribe would become an enemy if Metta is on your team because he prefers no allies.
Lebron James- Two years ago he would have killed a few zombies early on, but once it really mattered, he would choke. At this time, however he may be the favorite to go #1 overall. Lebron is still an overrated pick in my opinion. If your tribe was ever trying to go undercover and lay low, he takes away the possibility of doing that as he is too big of a star to do that. Chances are, even the zombies know who he is. Plus, his receding hairline takes away any possibility of having a "team haircut" and with no matching haircuts, this whole hypothetical draft would be no fun. For that reason, I am out of the Lebron James sweepstakes.
Richard Sherman- He provides ferocity and speed, but he has way too big of a mouth to be worthy of a top 3 pick. Plus, dreads are fair game for zombies. It has been said that zombies excel against "big talkers." Insert Richard Sherman. Uh oh. Rather than mash some zombies, Sherman would try and convince them that he is better than Darelle Revis. I also can't imagine how many times you would have to hear, "I am better at life than you" and "I am a Stanford graduate who was All-Pro!" Nights that should be spent planning for your next attack against the zombies would be spent with Sherman trying to get a hold of Skip Bayless and exude his hate for him.
Manti Te'o- I can see it now: "You guys have no idea how many girlfriends I had pre zombie apocalypse!" Yes, yes Manti we do, we saw ESPN and the story that broke. Manti would provide his haka ritual which would at the very least, intimidate the zombies, but his trust issues are a glaring negative. Who could trust this guy? Not me. Even if you can trust him, you definitely can't trust his friends. So, why pick Te'o? You may be banking on the fact that because most of the country has turned into zombies and there are more females than males left, he would actually be able to find a real girlfriend, which would inevitably put an end to all of his issues. Sounds like a little too much to bank on, plus does anyone really believe the same guy who couldn't get a girlfriend as a Heisman finalist could get one in the apocalypse?
Marshall Henderson- If you were to select him, Metta World Peace may come as a package deal. He would be effective talking smack to zombies, but when it comes to crunch time, Henderson's main tactic would be flipping them off. Plus, he would take cheap shots on your other teammates and would almost guaranteed not listen to a word you say. The Tasmanian Devil could be the worst pick available.
Tony Romo- I actually think although he is a quarterback, and not ferocious, he could be somewhat effective as Jessica Simpson, or any other blonde supermodel would not be alive to distract him. His downfall would be having no refs to protect him. Plus, if there was ever a situation where you absolutely needed a clutch performance, he is a sure thing to blow it. His greatest skill could be throwing grenades, however a zombie defensive back would find a way to intercept it.
Adrian Peterson- Would be able to out-run just about every zombie not named Tavon Austin, however AP would run "all day", but what about night time? If there was ever a situation where a dead out sprint across a field would decide your tribes fate, don't send AP as he would most likely fall 9 yards short of saving your tribe.
Brian Wilson- Would be a phenomenal asset to have if the zombies ever wanted to have a "beard growing competition", chances are they wouldn't so the only other thing he would be good for is possibly bringing our team luck with a, wait for it...rally thong!
Tim Tebow- Who else would pump you up more than Tebow in the pre-zombie killing locker room? His major flaw, his zombie killing form. You can bet he would have terrible form and unless it was late in the day or someone told him it was the "4th quarter", he is expendable.
That's enough of the overrated picks, now to picks that make a lot of sense when forming your team (I will choose the top 2 from each professional sport):
Stephen Jackson- Captain Jack provides leadership and loyalty. Remember when Ron Artest jumped into the crowd at the Palace in Auburn Hills during the brawl? Who was the one who followed him seconds later? Stephen Jackson! Jackson later said he lost about $3 million for that incident and Artest never thanked him. How is that for loyalty? Captain Jack got 2nd place in the recent "most thug player in the NBA" bracket, that tells a lot about how tough he would be in the apocalypse. He also may be the last athlete I would want to meet in a dark alley. There has never been a player who will defend his teammates and never back down to anyone more than Captain Jack. That is the perfect teammate in the zombie apocalypse.
Caron Butler- The same way madness fanatics fill their bracket based off Ken Pomeroy's efficiency ratings, I am choosing my NBA players based off the recent "Most thug NBA player" bracket. Caron Butler was the winner of that tournament, so by default he lands here. Here are some background facts for my recommended first overall pick: He was a drug dealer at age 11 (not that I support that), and he was arrested 15 times before he was 15! But, now that he is a successful athlete, he has dropped the drugs but retained his hard-nosed street mentality. What other player would even think of taking on Kendrick Perkins? Butler is the man. Plus, he plays for the Clippers, so if your zombie-mobile dies, Cliff Paul will be there to help.
Jason Heyward: The weapon of choice against zombies: a baseball bat. Insert Jason Heyward, a 6'5 power hitter. Heyward = Bad news for zombies. He hit a home run in his first major league at-bat so nerves are clearly not a problem and the same way the big leagues was new to him, so will be fighting zombies. He may have the best arm in the MLB not named Josh Reddick and he is a freak athlete. Is there anything this guy can't do? I am banking killing zombies isn't one of those things.
Yadier Molina- Had Manny Ramirez still been playing, he would have grabbed this spot, but the toughestof the Molina bros. falls here by default. In my opinion, the most underrated player in baseball. Because of the lack of respect he receives from MVP voters, he would be in F-U mode come zombie apocalypse time. He is the best defensive catcher in the majors and he is a B-A. If you aren't convinced, look up his fight with Brandon Phillips on YouTube. Baseball players may be the weakest of the three professional sports when choosing a "dream team" of zombie killers, but Yadier Molina is a true outlier in a relatively weak sport.
Marshawn Lynch- Yes, dreads are fair game for zombies, but Marshawn has the speed to jet away from any zombie. What other running back runs with as much power as "skittles?" If, for any reason you are in a bind with a few zombies, lookout for Lynch to turn on BEAST MODE! Give him some skittles and watch Marshawn go to work. He also has the necessary speed and ferocity to make supply runs.
Calvin Johnson Jr.- Is there any debate on this pick? As opposing defensive coordinators have done all year, he could be the sole reason the zombies throw up the white flag. His nickname isn't Megatron for no reason at all, he is the most dominant player to put on football pads in the last decade and his competitive drive/athleticism would enable him to be a phenomenal tribe member.
Although this is a hypothetical scenario that will most likely
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