The Return?

Remember when Jordan left baseball to return to basketball? When Lebron fled his "Possy" and returned to Cleveland? When Dennis Rodman returned from rehab?

I didn't go to rehab, I still have the same "Possy", and it's worth noting that I still need to retire and return 347,088 times more to catch up to Brett Favre... but, I am back!

My last column (this is NOT a blog!) was written in 2013. I think I was 7 years old then and still thought puka shells were cool. Now, I think chewing on my Invisalign retainer is cool, so I can look like Stephen Curry. It's safe to say i've matured greatly the last three years.

My favorite teams are still the Golden State Warriors, Oakland "We play in an old concrete war bunker" A's and THE Oakland Raiders. I threw away my Oakland Raiders, disgruntled fan, brown bag with two cut out eye holes last week. It was a big moment.

If you're anything like me, you daydream of sports and night dream of sports.

Your homepage on Safari is ESPN.com and the ESPN trade machine is pinned on your tabs.

You recently bought and after much scrutiny returned your Kevin Durant #35 Warriors jersey from bandwagon.com.

Your Youtube recommended searches is flooded with Javale Mcgee, Jeremy Lin and Hope Solo highlights.

You pretended to be Brad Jones from Bleacherreport.net so you could write on press row at the national collegiate swim championships in Atlanta, Georgia (Wait, was that just me?).

I made a list of some of my random sports thoughts through the past 3 years...

-- Is it possible to frown while watching an Erin Andrews postgame interview? Seriously, try it. Not possible.

-- Name the most relevant of the 3: USA Men's Soccer, Flo from the Progressive commercials or Jared from Subway.

-- How many Americans do you think know that their men's national soccer team just fired their coach? 5%? 2%? .03%?

-- Who did the most for the New England/Boston area? David Ortiz, Tom Brady or Paul Revere?

-- How many future father in-laws measure their future son-in-law up to Tim Tebow?

-- I wouldn't let Roger Goodell organize my apartment's pizza order.

-- America loves Stephen A. Smith as much as wives love that there are back to back to back football games on Thanksgiving. "Honey, you've been on the couch for 9 hours!"

-- I'm not sure if Greg Oden or Rob Gronkowski have been healthy for more professional sport games.

-- Why do they interview coaches in the middle of games? What do you expect them to say?

-- How come no one ever knows the age of Cuban baseball players?

-- Who keeps allowing Wiz Khalifa and Mumford & Sons to make music?

-- Adele wins Grammy's for "Best vocal performances" as well as "Most songs that sound exactly the same."

Mamba Out!