The ebbs and flows of an NFL season figured out

    The same way district 12 in the Hunger Games played the "nobody believes in us" card, the New York Giants are once again running through their annual "well, lets make it interesting" 2-3 week stretch of the season. If the Giants are the king of this theory then what does that make Tom "is it just me or am I always on the hot-seat" Coughlin? The Gene Hackman of real life sports. The New York football Giants have a way of proving their point while making everyone, including myself mad. It's like an attractive girl that is blatantly gorgeous constantly reiterating and playing her "i'm not THAT pretty, I am not even attractive" card. We all know why they are doing it, however it ALWAYS pisses us off.

    A special thanks to the New England Patriots and SpyGate for giving us a look inside the locker room after a Giants practice: Tom Coughlin signals to Eli "Hey, little brother, it's that time of the year again, the time when we are getting too much publicity." Tom and his red, plump cheeks continue "I am not on the hot-seat, you are being viewed as an MVP candidate (they both chuckle) and we have a comfortable lead in the playoff race. You know what I am hinting at right lil' Manning????" This little suspicious, yet totally honorable convo has taken place every year since 2007. 

    Can you blame Coughlin for forcing Eli to throw away last week's game against the Steelers and this week's blowout in the hand of the BoutEveryNameGotArrestedLastSeason (Bengals)? Both Coughlin and Eli know they need to finish as the number 3 or 4 seed, play in the first round of the playoffs and enter as an underdog in Vegas' books. When Eli wants to win, he can and he will. He will summon his inner Reggie Jackson and come alive in the playoffs. The Giants want skeptics and the football world to say things like "this just isn't their year", "they should have been a lot better" and "Eli just isn't that good anymore". They love those lines. So much so that they developed a New York Giants hotline. Just call, put the team and Eli down and they will inevitably "prove you wrong". Mr. Coughlin, you're a sneaky, sneaky man. Count on 2-3 more G-Men "losses" down the road. It is just what they do. They figured out the ebbs and flows of an NFL season better than any team ever has. (Slow clap for the Giants). 

    The only thing the Giants technologically advanced, uber-hotline doesn't want to hear is Bruno Tonioli demanding that Victor Cruz and his infamous salsa be on Dancing with the Stars. They can tell because Bruno is the only caller who measures in between teenage girl and Sacha Baron Cohen's movie-star Bruno on the scalable voice monitoring system.