THE PMP Crew 2.0

  There are four things I love in sports. These are the things that are like a mini-holiday for me. These are things that occupy much of my idle web-browsing time. These are things that give me goosebumps. These are the things that make me say "Drop everything (school, relationships, work) and just go home." These are the things that make me nervous/joyful/apprehensive/amped all at the same time. These are the "exhilarating four"... Mock drafts, Trade Machines, Rumors and whether cross-racial or not, COMPARISONS.

    I love comparisons of college talent to professional. Television to movies. My 4th/5th grade basketball team to NBA legends. Kris Humphries to Kanye West (cross-racial reference). The '12-13 GS Warriors to the '07 "We Believe" Warriors. Chris Bosh to dinosaurs. Obama to Jimmy Carter. Hot 18 year-olds with 25 year-olds to the 7 wonders of the world. Tom Cruise to any other human being. Manti Te'os girlfriend to the Lochness monster. Russell Crowe's voice to Barry Gibbs with an ear infection. Ray Lewis to a deer's antlers (too soon?). Ron Artest to an insane asylum. The '12 Olympic basketball team to the Dream Team. Public displays of affection to Valentine's day. The list goes on and on.

    So if these are all common things we compare, why not compare my basketball team (PMP Crew 2.0) to NBA stars and media idols? (No answer?). There are few things I am more passionate about than this team. Here is a list of things that come second to the PMP Crew 2.0: Class, girls, homework, eating, drinking water, video games, work, ESPN, any other sport, Jessica Alba, Eva Mendes, Ramirez(s), health, all around values, personal standards, The Bachelor, music, careers, steroids, Tebowing, taking part in any extra-curricular activity, Newton's theory, reading and injuries. In other words, you are hurt, you will still play. The list goes on and on. The only things that comes over this team are family and wearing long underwear (a.k.a tights) that look like leg sleeves.

    When discussing the PMP Crew 2.0 I have heard the following things:
-"I haven't seen this much dedication since Brittney Griner dedicated himself to making everyone believe he is a girl!"

-"This team has more hops than a case of Miller Light"

-"I wouldn't be surprised if this team becomes a fraternity, on the court it feels like they have already all seen each other in ways only brothers would"

-"Even if the girl from the movie Precious was added to this team, their roster would still be freakishly athletic"

-"I told one of their players (freak-athletes) that if he missed class for his game than he would fail. I am his Career planning teacher. He skipped. They won. The dedication is unquestionable. He missed out on a career changing proposal. He said he had no regrets, as long as he played that's all that mattered."

    With all this publicity, talent, leadership and personalities it is understandable that rumors would follow. Here are just a few:

-"I heard that Kanye West stopped Beyonce and told her that "The PMP Crew" is much better than her"

-"Stuart Scott cured his lazy eye by attending a PMP Crew game, thanks to their eye-raising performance"

-"EA Sports wanted to create a video game about them, however the ratings only went to 99. Ratings none of the staff felt were high enough"

-"Michael Jordan himself offered this team a lifetime supply of Hanes. They turned it down. They only wear long underwear (leg sleeves)."

-"They have been seen walking around campus wearing nothing but long underwear, with basketball in hand."

-"They are the only team in the history of college intramural sports that films their games, watches tape, keeps stats and has pep rallies pre and post game."

-"If they win they go hot-chubbing and eat at Outback Steakhouse. If they lose, they sit in a dark room silent for eight hours reflecting on their loss."

    Is this the team of destiny? Two games into the season and "The Crew" has already mercy ruled both teams. Will there ever be competition? Are the leg sleeves too much for competitors to overcome? I told you at the beginning I love comparisons. So here are my comparisons of every player on the PMP Crew 2.0 roster.

Blake Darby- The eldest of the crew. Sort of viewed as the "elder statesman" of the team. Provides leadership and size for the uber-talented squad. NBA Comparison: Kris Humphries. In a good way. A white, lacking style, big man who fills up the stat sheet with lay-ups, rebounds and free throws. Of course, alike Humphries, Blake has a hidden temper. It takes a lot to get this guy angry, but when he is...stay away! Nickname: The RM

Ryan Trader- "He Hustles!" Trader plays the unquestionably the best defense on the team and provides much needed hustle to a somewhat lazy squad. Trader has a surprisingly good jump shot and is the master at the pick-and-roll. Even teachers on campus have been heard complementing his exceptional defense. Trader's D will always inspire his teammates around him. NBA Comparison: Jeff Green. Hustle guy who can knock down the 15-20 footer. Nickname: Traders D

Spencer Mcglinchy- The big man with extreme confidence. How do you guard this multi-dimensional big man? He will embarrass you down low if you underestimate him (8 points in the first half in Tuesday's game), if you slack off of him he will shoot a 3 pointer on you. This big man does it all. On defense he clogs up the middle and is a big space eater. When it comes to opponents offensive efficiency, he kills it. He provides the team with easy buckets, rebounding and space-eating defense. NBA Comparison: Demarcus Cousins. Not a punk, but fills space on defense, gets easy lay-ups and has a surprisingly good shot. Nickname: Mcglinch

Jared Hopkins- The stout lefty is the most versatile player on this team. Jared has all the confidence in the world and at times the team needs a player who can take over. His big body enables him to grab tough rebounds and bang down low. His line drive running 3 pointers have become somewhat of his trademark. (Don't tell him if it's only a 2 pointer, he hates that). The lefty has the talent and confidence to start, but prefers coming off the bench. When willing, he can play some of the best, most versatile defense on the team. NBA Comparison: James Harden, Reggie Williams. A bulkier James Harden that can still shoot and is very versatile. Nicknames: Yared or "Lefty off the bench"

Josh Barker- As a late addition to the team he was incredibly nervous coming in. Wondering whether he would disrupt from the team's already masterful chemistry or be too much of a one-on-one player to fit in. After just one game he proved to this team that he is around for the long haul (a grueling 8 game season). He can play the 2,3 or 4 and can defend 4 positions. He is another much needed shooter in the best offense on campus. He is best when the ball is not in his hands, doing the dirty work, setting screens, getting rebounds and put-backs. NBA Comparison: Luol Deng. A good defense player that is known for playing without the ball in his hands. Shoots, sets screens. Nickname: Vanilla Ice

Parker Jones- Parker had to do it all last semester for this premature team. However, this semester's squad provides much better talent around him. He is the best shooter on the team and he can get to the charity stripe at will. Sometimes, he makes the game look almost too easy. When the ball is his hands, his teammates have been known to sit in amazement and watch him go to work. He plays ball-hawking defense and makes nifty moves that keeps the fans coming and sells tickets. If there is 10 seconds left in a tie game, he is the one with the ball in his hands. NBA Comparison: Kevin Martin. Gets to the line free throw line a ton. SHoots threes and can put up points in a hurry. Nicknames: P.J. Jones, Parker "Don't call me Raja" Jones, Jonesey, Parker "Keeping up with the"Jones

Keegan Darby- The captain of the team and founder of the PMP Crew franchise is at times the biggest personality on the court. He provides knowledge and basketball I.Q. The number 2 point guard on the depth chart/starting shooting guard is incredibly valuable to this team. On defense he provides chatter and steals. His achilles heel...easy lay-ups. However, he refuses to practice them. At this point it is an ego thing. Keegan provides another element to the court and with Parker, allows the team to play small with two ball handlers in at one time. He can also shoot the trey. NBA Comparison: Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. Crafty wing player who prides himself on defense and steals, but also has a good jumper. Gets easy buckets. Nicknames: Keegs, The Kod

    The team would also like to acknowledge Griffin Ford (Head Coach, team motivator, team psychologist, team GM) and Dakota Jones (Assistant-Coach, stat book keeper, cinematographer, team trainer, team sponsor (Outback Steakhouse)).

    So far, the team is off to a 2-0 start (2 blowouts) and are looking to continue their streak. An undefeated season is a possibility, however they are focusing on one game at a time.